Talk-Listen

I often do not "hear" my children speaking. They hear way to many "Uh, huh's" and "That's great!" I mean, I hear them, but not really what they mean. You see, it takes more time and effort to actively engage in interpreting their "language"...a scream, a grunt, a sigh, rolling eyes, silence, boredom, many more. Maybe you can relate and add other observations to my list.

This was a convicting revelation and one that requires a little work and action on my part. I don't stop and focus when my children are speaking all the time and I don't "listen" to the meaning of their emotions as well as I want to. When I do listen, I tend to jump in and give advise or help. I just want each of them to "do it right." What's wrong with that, huh? But, how can Neeley or Judson truly learn to "do it right" if I don't allow them to make a mistake here and there? I don't want them to resist my help because I always jump in. I want Neeley and Judson to understand that they are each capable of figuring things out without my help and that it is never wrong to ask me for help. I've already gotten the pre-teen "AHHH, MOM!" and sigh. Yikes! Let that be a warning sign for me to change my approach! I need to simply identify with the feelings and validate reactive emotions with a few calm words. In most cases Neeley really knows what she should do to resolve the problem...she just needs a safe place to express herself. I need to remember this! Allowing my children some space, i can more easily communicate the heart issues later and probably more effectively. HARD lesson for me. I want to--I need to learn from our perfect Father.

Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish, authors, put it this way..."we just need to learn how to talk so our kids will listen and listen so our kids will talk."



*I've been reading a great book that relates to this and many of my parenting concerns: "Answering the 8 Cries of the Spirited Child--Strong Children Need Confident Parents" by David and Claudia Arp. Check it out...especially if you feel your child has an extra dose (or two or three...) of energy, emotion, and determination!